Q: Dear Lady Grace, me and my sister are both secretly in love with the same man. She ignores that I pine for him, what can I do? Uncertain86 – A: Dear Uncertain, you could talk about it with sincerity and try together to understand which of you will find less painful to step back… -
…or more plainly, you could spread the word that your sister has a suspect herpes where the sun doesn’t shine and let him find you in his room covered with whipped cream.
Gea: It was a desperate move. – Ted: Did it worked? – Gea: No. – Ted: Seems a good definition of “desperate move”.
iStuff: In the majority of cases humans are ruled by other humans called politicians. There are two categories of politicians: the ones who are greedy for wealth and power-hungry… and the ones who are honest and care primarily for the good of collectivity. – iStuff: Now empty your bladders and cancel your appointments for the next 12 hours, because I’m going to read the names of all politicians of both categor… – iStuff: Oh holy Galaxy, only 45 seconds left for batteries! – iStuff: Ok… don’t panic… I’ll read only the names in the second category.
Fridge: For dinner you could finish that cabbage and garlic soup left from two days ago. – Meg: No thanks. It stinks. – Fridge: No thanks? It stinks? Do you know that only 20% of world’s population can eat adequately? That in the western world a quarter of the food produced is thrown away? And what you humans are able to say? No thanks. It stinks? -
Meg: Well… maybe is better if I finish that soup. – Fridge: Good, that’s how things change. Feed the world! – Meg: Feed the world! – Fridge: Feed the world! – Fridge: Thank God… I couldn’t stand that smell anymore.
Bob: Do you think there’s a party? – Meg: Don’t know. Looks more like a brawl. – Bob: I suspect they don’t know the difference.
Meg: I can’t go on like this, without a man, falling in love with all my clients, I have to start to go out again, have sex with the first man parring by… – Meg: …or maybe the second
TV host: Welcome back after the commercials. We’re here with Peter, the man who’s able to answer before knowing which is the question. – Peter: A quarter past nine! – TV host: The question was “What’s your name?”. – Peter: I haven’t said I can answer correctly.
TV host: Tonight on Mister Mysterio, a man who’s able to answer before knowing which is the question. – Bob: Come on. How can someone believe this bullshit? – Sid: Bob! It’s your boss. – Bob: Do not worry. My piece will be ready for tomorrow!
Sid: Damn! I keep on being shot down by crooked players who crack the software and fly with modified airplanes. – Bob: How do you know they’re cheaters? Maybe they’re just good. – Sid: Look! This one flies on a Santa’s sledge armed with missiles. – Bob: That red nosed reindeer with a ferocious look is devouring the remains of your wings! -
Sid: You should have seen what it did to my pilot.
Meg: There’s a girl called Amy at the door. She would like to know if you want to celebrate her birthday together this evening. – Sid: Tell her this evening I can’t. – Meg: You should explain her why you’re busy, otherwise she will feel rejected. – Sid: Useless… she wouldn’t believe me. – Meg: Trust me, telling the truth is always the best choice in these situations. – Sid: Sorry Amy, but this evening I really can’t. I have to torpedo a group of Japanese carriers off the coast of Guadalcanal. – Sid: What did I told you?
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